Whenever I feel my house is too cluttered I just watch hoarders and I feel soooooooo much better. Though it does make me want to toss about 98% of our stuff.

just realized that mobile posting is not working

Im not going to get on an actual computer right now or elsei wont get any studying done. Stay tuned for posts on the move, the new apartment, the new kitty, nclex, alexs promotion, new hair cut (spoiler I have bangs again), my endeavor into canning and jam making, haunted train, and after next weekend my cousins wedding. If it takes me until november to catch up ill have a post on my actual test, andthe marine corps ball.

just a quick check in

So alex has been home three weeks now and things are starting to fall back into place. I'm starting to sleep through the night again, and he's not handing me the alarm clocks to turn off even though they're on his side of the bed and for him. We are having some small issues. He goes to bed 930 wakes up at 5. Those hours don't work for me, so I spend a few hours in the livingroom. Its my quiet timE

Sunday was our one year.As a combo anniv/grad present got two pairs of gorgeous dimond earrings, a pair of blue and a pair of white. the part of me that does our finances is stikk in sticker shock, but the girly part of me loves them.

Lastly we're moving soon, a 2 minute walk froM where we live now (my folks house). Since alex works during the day the task of packing falls to me, and man is that daunting. Oh well it is what it is

(Oh, and I apologise for typos, I'm on a touch screen phone)

The guys are getting a motorcycle convoy tomorrow through the american legion. how cool is that?

Just got back from target

Bought bathroom stuff for alex. There's now boys shampoo, and conditioner in my shower. Two bottles of axe body wash (that chocolate dark temptation stuff smells GOOD) two new toothbrushes on the sink (mine was getting ratty) and a razor in the cabinet. Just seeing all this stuff makes me so happy I want to cry. :) time to go back posters. Yay glitter!!
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So one of my two blog followers already know this but...

ALEX IS BACK IN THE UNITED STATES!!!!!!!!! AND I'M PICKING HIM UP ON SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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thanks to the Marines...

I don't even know how to cry anymore.

I know that sounds crazy, how do you forget how to cry.

Ever since Alex left I have felt like I need to have a good pillow pounding, voice losing, dehydrating cry. You know the kind that leaves you so drained you get a headache and sleep for 12 hours, but feels cathartic.

It hasn't happened.

When he first left and got on the plane to go overseas there were so many changes in itinerary that when it really was the last phone call it actually seemed like a shock. I cried... But for me, that was a nothing cry.

Then I was dealing with the stress of school, I had no time. I did have one break down on my way home from clinical, but that was almost more school related than anything else (though that is the closest I have come to a total release). But no soul cleansing tears.

I seem to have forgotten how to truly cry.

I know the timing of this seems silly. Today was a wonderful day, my little brother got engaged to a great girl, but I woke up this morning thinking "man I could really do with a good cry." I tried too. I was already sad, tearing up a little and I gave myself permission to just go at it...nope.

I think its because of the constant worr. if you let yourself break down because of (A) what are you going to do when (B) happens. And let me tell you, some days are so crazy we make it all the way down to (Z)

Sigh

Any advice on crying? I never thought I'd have to ask that before. I just feel if I release some of this tension I will feel so much better. Its mentally exhausting.
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Fell off the wagon

So I have a confession to make. You remember how excited I was about starting my diet? And the first 5 lbs I lost? Yah... I fell off the band wagon. I have reasons, tons of reasons, but really they're just excuses. Some are good.. like you really shouldn't work out when you have a fever of 102. Some are easy... like who wants to work out when its 100* outside. And some were just lame... like "I'm too stressed out with school to worry about anything else." but they're all just excuses.

Well I'm trying again. Luckily I only gained back 2 lbs. So here I go again. I am bummed that I lost almost a full month of time I could have been getting skinny, and since Alex will likely be coming back a month early I may not make my goal of 30lbs by the time he comes back BUT I can get close!! And there is hope for me! I figured that today was basically ruined. I went to a house warming party today and had lasagna, croissant sandwich, and cake (mmm). So when I went to eat dinner I looked for whatever in the fridge looked REALLY good but was not diet friendly. Found the yummy alfredo pasta I made a few nights ago (even cooked the mushrooms in wine, it was awesome) so put some of that on a plate. Mom had the stuff to make chicken soft tacos so made one with sour cream, avocado, and cheese. As the pasta was heating up I was checking to see if the box of Special K had gotten stale yet, and after I ate one flake I went "omg.. I want to eat a bowl of this, not what I'm heating up!" So I had one bite of the pasta, one bite of the taco and then put it down the disposal and had a bowl of Special K for dinner instead :)

So here I go again, hope hope hope.

I PASSED!!!I PASSED!!!
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Haven't posted in a while

Sitting outside Jimmys work waiting for him to get off, decided that I wanted to go shooting tonight and since you can't rent guns by yourself, and all of Alex's are at a friends house I decided to invite Jimmy. So studied in the lobby for a few hours now sitting outside in the car.

I am seriously stressing the test I took two days ago. Should be getting my score tomorrow or Wednesday. The questions were so obscure and awkward. I'm so afraid that I got a score in the high 60s (what I got on the practice tests the first time I took them). This of course is making me doubt myself and my future in nursing *sigh*
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3 tests down. 3 (I hope ) to go

I have never been so worried about a test in my LIFE.

Figure I should post...

Since I haven't in a while.

The farm started up a month ago, things are going ok except that the one guy out there that I can't stand, is now out there every Sunday. Oh well, we both know that we can't stand each other, so I get to tell him to shut up and just walk away :)

School: well my predictor exam is next week, so I am so beyond stressed out that I just can't give a damn right now. *SIGH*

Diet: Still following the diet, and still losing weight slowly (though right now I'm bloated and have "gained") but because of the stupid test I haven't been to the gym in like.. a week and a half. Oh well, I don't have the energy to stress that right now.

Back to studying

There's nothing special about today

There's no reason why I should miss him this much, randomly.

But I do.

:(

Happy Easter all

I had a nice little surprise this morning. Alex was able to send me a picture of himself and his easter dinner. Was a little crazy to see the traditional coke can but in a different language. That boy and his soda lol.

I can't post them bc of security reasons

I wish I'd been wearing more water proof mascara lol.

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PILLOW CASES

Stopped by Kristin's after school today to show her how to make our uber spiffy deployment pillowcases. So this one is a blue slightly flowery pattern, white with red and blue stars, and then a red fabric for the cuff. They are actually pretty sturdy and reallllly easy.

*does a little dance*

Three lbs three lbs three lbs **points over at ticker**

lol

oh boy 1/10 of the weight.

Whatever it's 3 lbs in a bout a week (I actually used my weight from last friday since it was consistent with my pre period weight so not bloating. Just didn't input it until monday)

I know (for me) the first 10 or so will melt off like no ones business, then things will get harder but whatever, 3 lbs lol


back to my sugar free high fiber oatmeal and wishing it was rigatoni

Hot huh

Ok so the nursing students teach an exercise class at the mental health place on wed. Today was arms. Did 4 laps of the building, wall pushups, tri cep dips and standing crunches (regular and oblique). Went to the gym. Was gonna go to zumba but I chickened out and watched instead. 45 min on eliptical=530 cal WOOHOO. All the "hoist" (the ones that are supposed to be easier on your back) arm machines (lats biceps triceps chest shoulders... I'm probly missing some)3 sets of 10 and then the sit up.. Bench... Chair thing lol. 20 middle, 20 left, 20 middle, 20 right, 20 middle X 3 sets. Then 3 sets of 10 hip lifts (flat on back legs in air) and 3 sets of 10 pulses.
Was gone almost 2 hrs. I do miss toning where I'd do all that work in 50 min lol. But I did have way more cardio today than I normally would in toning.

I'm gonna take a longggg shower. Water police is asleep.

Speaking of H20. I had already drank both my 750 ml bottles, pretty much drank my whole 1000ml bottle @ the gym. Go me!!

I know it probably goes without saying...

But I really miss Alex.

:(

exercise

So explain this to me

I love exercise

I have taken more Kin classes ("PE") in college than anyone I know, short of (maybe) Kristin.

I have taken swimming
Archery
Social Dance
Self Defense
Yoga
Weight training 2 times
Aerobics 2 times
and Body Sculpting 4 times

I love the way my body is when I exercise on a regular basis
I love being toned and tight

so explain to me why I have such a hard time dragging my lazy ass to the gym?!?!
I haven't been in over a month.

Is it because when I was taking classes it was set in my schedule?
Is it because I was getting a grade?

Hell I have Wii fit at home. I love Wii fit and I think it works, explain to me why I haven't set up an account yet at my own house?

My view on food and crash diets

I'm sitting here eating dinner and I am realizing I have some very distinct views on food and I got an urge to blog.



So for my diet I have been eating a decent breakfast (ever since I lost weight on my last diet I have become a major breakfast person), lunch tends to be lean cuisine or half a sandwich and a lot of fruit, and at dinner I have been filling 2/3-3/4 of my plate with veggies, an actual real serving of protein, and a little bit of carbs. Sometimes the salad is on the plate, if I'm particularly hungry it will be on the side so I'm eating more food, but its more veggies. Veggies are usually steamed sometimes with a little "I can't believe its not butter" and seasoning salt or garlic salt. Today cooked the vegetables and fish in a little EVOO. Salad dressing is always approx 30cal/serving or less, or just straight red wine vinegar. Why wreck good veggies with all that fat.



But back to the point of this blog my views on food.



1. I think that veggies are the best food on the planet. Period. I think that they should be eaten as often as possible as much as you can,and any diet that limits your veggies, I'm not a fan of.

2. I feel almost as strongly as fruit though maybe not quite as much because of all the natural sugars making them a little higher in calories.

3. I will always have a sweet tooth. Always. And its better for me to eat a cookie or two when the craving hits rather than breaking down and eating the whole package because I feel "deprived" later.



Ill add more later, this blog is making me hungry :)

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WANTED

Left over fabric from craft projects. Full width of the fabric please (no slivers boxes or shapes). Making 200+ pillow cases as a surprise for my husbands deployed marine unit. Any questions please ask.
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So the last 2 days diet has been... Sad I hit that point already. Friday had whole wheat bagel w/ a little cream cheese, celery and half a turkey sandwich but then I went to Lindsays and she was having a little shin dig. Food wise we had crazy bread pasta roni and corn chips, also had beer hypnotiq and malibu. O well it happens. Yesterday was scottish fair @ ardenwood. Had an english muffin w/ a little peanut butter for breakfast (took an hour for my queasy stomach to accept it). Had half a chicken pastie and half a banger for lunch ( didn't know what I wanted so got both and shared w/ someone else. Which was an improvement in the past woulda eaten both) dinner was @ kelseeys church salad w/ chicken carrots celery grape fruit and cashews. Anddd 2 cookies (but they were tiny lol)now in the past this would have discouraged me to no end, but I know sometimes when you're out aned about you eat what's available. True could have packed a lunch yesterday but scottish is only once a year. I did do something else I couldn't have in the past, I kept my servings very reasonably sized. So yay to that.
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FRUSTRATED

I know i jsut posted about how i have to write my paper bla bla bla but dear GOD i am frustrated. I know people are just doing their jobs but ARGH. my credit card has been locked up TWICE by fraud protection because alex is using it. they suggested to me that i get him a calling card (which i was going to do anyways) because it was getting flagged for small amounts (90 cents $1 etc) which i guess people are charging small amounts to credit cards to make sure they work, and they (wf) told me that we would continue to trigger fraud services. thats not so bad, what is bad is they call and say "oh im so and so from such and such" um.. yah thats great, im going to call the number on the back of my card, if there really is a problem, it'll get fixed. so then you sit on hold.. for dayssssssssssss... finally get a person, they try to verify the account, it doesnt work, so you sit on hold again, finally... FINALLY... everything is straightened out, and the card is working again, except it does show that your husband tried to use it while it was down and got declined DAMMIT.

so i went on the att website, found virtual calling cards AWESOME! i don't have to ship it to him, same price as a normal one, great rates (well better than charging it to the cc) ok done. get a phone call from att "yes your purchase has flagged our security check "DAMMIT "we just need to verify that this is your account" ok... "we need the address on file" ok no big... "ok now we need the last four of your ssn" oh HELL no. you're not getting the last four, the first three, or the middle two N.O. so now the order is canceled (assuming they are who they said they were) and im back to square one.. GRF

im sorry but i dont give my information out over the phone. tough luck

Day 2

Damn today I am not having a good day, I couldn't sleep until 2 in the morning, was attempting to write a paper that is due tomorrow so that I could study for tomorrow's exam today, well here it is 6pm and I have ... about 2/3 of the paper written, and no studying done. At about.. 1045 this morning (after starting at 8 something) I just hit a wall, nothing was coming out so I went to the farm for a few hours. AFter the farm I came home to a giant chocolate easter egg from my mother in law (mmm.. but damn that timing.. lol). And since then... well like I said it's 6pm and I'm no further than I was at 1045. I just... today things are starting to hit me, they haven't hit yet, but they are starting. Today I looked at care package ideas, ordered a phone card, and want to buy a t shirt that says "deployments suck". Today.. I am not doing good, I'm not doing horrible, but I'm not doing good. . . .

I still wish that I could cry.. *sigh* oh well

on to the food
breakfast: double fiber english muffin and i cant believe its not butter (the tub stuff tastes WAY BETTER than the spray)
lunch:
half turkey sandwich
strawberries, black berries, raspberries
100 cal pack chex mix (OMG that is the best 100cal back ive found yet for salt cravings)
1 baby bell cheese

i had two snacks today
100cal oreo cakesters (had a sweet craving that was killlingggg me lol.)
and some mini saltines (and back to the salt lol)
dinner was pretty similar to last night

except pork instead of chicken (and i only took 2 bites of the pork chop DRYY) and everythign on one plate, found last night that that was just too much food (though at least it was mostly veggies)
trying to keep veggies on 2/3-3/4 of my plate

I have fallen in love with lawrys seasoning salt on veggies yum yum


ok i gotta finish this damn paper on syphillis.

did you know that in 2007 the majority of reported cases of syphilis were in adults age 35+ COME ON PEOPLE!!

So it's official....

I'm dieting again, it's official. I've put back on all the weight I lost 5 yrs ago, and maybe a tiny bit more (I can't really tell because 1. My old scale was crap, and 2. my weight is proportioned differently than when I was 20 lol). So I have 1 pair of jeans that actually fits, and I work on a farm... those jeans don't last very long. I have like 4 prs that fit like 15 lbs ago. Do the math, it's expensive to stay squishy. I'm not sure what my actual weight is right now (I'm on my period, bloated, and let's face it, most of us weigh ourselves in the morning, naked, and after dropping some of that.. excess weight off in the morning lol.) I figure I'll weigh myself on Sunday, start the week off that way. But I'm going to start the diet right now. In a perfect world I think I would want to be about 165, but 1. the last time i was anywhere near that skinny I had had knee surgery and had no muscle in my left leg and 2. I'm setting my time line for the next 8 months (so until Alex comes home) so I'm going to go with something a bit more realistic, so I'm going to go for 180. That will take me down to right around where I was when I went on that crazy diet a few years back. Now for me to remain accountable it works for me to post what I eat in the course of the day, so feel free to skip those posts. Monday will be a weigh in blech. But Alex is gone, my dad is going to be working on the hill (and 90% of the junk food in the house is for him). I really have no excuses. I know that Alex would be perfectly happy if he came home and I looked exactly the same as when he left, but hell why not come back to an even hotter me right? hehe
So here's food post #1 and keep in mind I didn't decide I was starting today until later in the day.
Breakfast: whole wheat bagel with strawberry cream cheese (sadly will probably still show up often bc i eat breakfast in my car, but i did not slather the cream cheese on inches deep)
Lunch: lean cuisine, strawberries, 100cal rice crispie treat
dinner:

half a chicken breast with bbq sace, pasta roni (mmmm lol), corn, snow peas, green beans, asparagus, and a brussel sprout. in the bowl is romaine lettuce, shredded carot, a few croutons, and 1tsp sun flower seeds (theyre 190cal for 1/4c. so 1tsp. not a big deal)

so I finished the pasta (duh) the green beans, snow peas, asparagus, brussel sprout, half the chicken, a bite of the corn, and maybe 1/3 of the salad. I put way too much food on my plate, but at least for the most part i gorged on veggies.

got lots of lean cuisines (which i live off of at school) veggies, fruits, some 100cal snacks, sugar freepudding, and whole grain pastas. I also got a few more camelback water containers so now I know I need to drink at least 2 of my 100ml one, 4 of my 50ml, or 2 175ml and 1 50ml. 200 ml is roughly your eight glasses of water, I'm aiming for more like 250 or 300.

Well that's it, we shall see.

oh dear

I just caught myself literally singing "i can do my taxes! I can do my taxes!"
but dear god it took forever to get our hands on Alex's W2. Between the two of us we have 7 (thanks Mervyns for sending my another one) W2s and 1 1099 or something like that, wish me luck, this should be some interesting filing.

Go figure the first time he calls me, my phone doesn't ring. Grf
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Who do you cry on when the person who always holds you when you cry is not there?
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Let's see..

Well.. things haven't really gotten a whole hell of a lot better since last post. Found out that Alex will be leaving this weekend :( I really have no idea how I am going to handle that one..
My short term memory has gone to hell, I'm pretty sure I missed my insurance payment and I can't get myself to give a damn, walk to the kitchen, find the bill and pay the damn thing. I wrote a to do list for tomorrow. It's on there. Also have to find that solar panel for alex (since they'll only have 4 hrs of electricity a day. blech)and ship his care packages (he hasn't technically "left" yet and I have 2 boxes going out. But that should tide him over for at least a month, maybe 2 and i bought so much stuff when I went to the commissary today that I have enough left overs for a third box). Donating blood tomorrow at Kaiser. I've known for years that I should be a donor, I'm O- but always been too nervous/scared. Well nursing school took the fear of needles out of me and besides I bleed like a stuck pig. I will admit part of the reason that finally got me to go is Alex, the military is currently buying up stores of O- since it's the universal donor. Just kind of struck a chord with me that I would be saving someone, maybe not Alex (bc he better not need blood damn it!) or even someone in the military, but it would be someones spouse, child, sibling, parent.

I wish I could sleep.. but hey sleep is a crutch right?


Engagement pictures are looking AMAZING. I would highly recommend her to someone but on one condition, you have to be ok with looking fabulous! to paraphrase kristin, you could roll out of bed, forget you were having pictures taken, and never even brush your hair and she'd make you look amazing.

Well... This sucks..

So I always told myself that I'd try to use this blog to be therapeutic when the time came for Alex to leave, and way before I wanted it to, the time came. Last night my, my brother, and his sister, dropped him off at Oakland airport and I saw him, hugged him, kissed him, and cried all over him for the last time for 7 months. For those of you who don't want to count, that's November.

This past week with him home was a lot of fun though..let's see.. Monday... went to dinner with another Marine, and got lost in SF. Tuesday was corned beef and cabbage and car bombs at jimmys apt. Wednesday.. i had class, we checked into our new hotel room (OMG the W in newark is AMAZING) and went to becks. We also took engagement pictures that day, more on that when they come in. Thursday we went and saw Wicked, it was the bestest play EVER. Let's see.. Friday... Friday... what the hell did we do friday... OH hung out at the gun shop, then went out with another couple to dinner at claim jumpers and then to the shooting range. Saturday surprised alex with lunch with his family, and then later we went to the saddlerack with kristin, brian, jim, lindsay, johnny and... lindsays friend who i can't remember. Sunday we hung out at Lindsays and played Guitar Hero, Monday we exchanged Guitar hero because Alex broke the cymbal, had lunch with Mary Jane, and got a Wii, Wii fit and a bunch of other crap. Yesterday was pretty much spent with alex packing, updating his computer, etc.

I am numb.

I did the smart thing (old advice from Kristin) and got the good tissues. Because of course, on top of all this shit, I'm sick as well. phlegmy cough, can't stop blowing my nose, it really was to be expected though.

So this morning I woke up with a migraine, a stopped up nose, eyes so swollen I could barely see, and a broken network card in my laptop, so it is no longer wireless.

I just may get a net book.



I guess that's all for now. I will break down again soon, so stay tuned.

I can't be the only one who hates daylight savings
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Just testing if mobile blogging worked
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